soul captain

soul captain

As I've gone back through my recent posts I have noticed that they all revolve around one main topic: my mom. However, I have also found a few other themes peppered throughout previous entries: laughter, love and the pursuit of happiness. It is fitting that in the midst of expressing my sadness for the loss of my incredible mom that those themes are so closely tied to my memories of her...

Life seems to be moving forward at warp speed. In the past 4 weeks alone James, Portia and I moved into a new place, went to Portland to visit family, James had a race, our good friend Ryan Davis of Yaer Productions filmed the race weekend's events for a JK: Day in the Life promotional video, visited Savannah, GA to celebrate our belated anniversary and then threw it down at Cabo Fish Taco with some great friends for James' birthday. Needless to say, we have been going non-stop, constantly surrounded by love, laughter and happiness. But when I have had the rare moment to take a deep breath, I am consumed by thoughts of my mom and the trying events that occurred a year ago today. I prefer to keep moving too quickly to think of those things.

We took advantage of having a break from life last night and watched Invictus with Morgan Freeman and Matt Damon. (I would recommend it to anyone looking to be inspired and empowered. It's a little slow-moving, but I loved it.) I firmly believe that life opens unexpected doors at precisely the right moment. Precisely when we were meant to hear something, see something or experience something it will appear if you are open to it.

I had never heard the poem "Invictus" by William Ernest Henley before watching that movie last night, but it was precisely what I needed to hear at that exact moment. It so accurately depicts what I have been going through in the past year and a half: unchangeable, terrible circumstances, BUT it doesn't matter how difficult life's road may be in the end because I will see to it that my fate lies in a better place as I have the power to decide how I let this life's experiences shape my soul.

"OUT of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul."

-William Ernest Henley

I am choosing not to let my life be ruled by terrible events that were out of my control. I am choosing my own fate. One where my soul takes a more mature and enlightened shape, and shines so brightly that it blinds evil. Take control of your fate and don't fall victim to your past's unchangeable circumstances. Charge ahead, full force, and be the captain of your soul! Embrace love, feel permission to laugh freely and constantly pursue happiness.

PS: Thank you everyone for your endless and continued strength and support. Love you all.