sideways

sideways

"You know it ain't easy
For these thoughts here to leave me
There's no words to describe it
In French or in English
Well, diamonds they fade
And flowers they bloom
And I'm telling you
These feelings won't go away
They've been knockin' me sideways
They've been knockin' me out lately
Whenever you come around me
These feelings won't go away
They've been knockin' me sideways
I keep thinking in a moment that
Time will take them away
But these feelings won't go away"
-Citizen Cope, Sideways

This song just came on Pandora. I am overwhelmed with thoughts and memories of my mom. I have glimpses of healing and feel like I'm getting my feet back on the ground, but then I am consumed by gut-wrenching breathlessness when an explosion of reality confronts me...my mom is physically not here to comfort me. Rather, she is the cause of this physical and emotional torture. Trying to fight these tears is painfully impossible...only she can take this away.

Anguish is interrupted by Tiny Tim's disturbingly comforting "Tip Toe Through the Tulips" playing in my head. I smile...